Stories and News No. 73
Dear deputies, distinguished senators and eminent ministers, EOFP agency is here for you.
EOFP, alias Ever On Front Page.
In fact, our agency is able to ever ensure the front page!
The package that we offer is unbeatable, as our customers can testify.
Moreover, we can give you a focused service.
It depends on your needs and, most importantly, how much you want to bet.
We perfectly know that you are not charming actors or sexy rock stars.
Most of you are incredibly ugly and certainly you can not claim the limelight without risking anything.
Here we come!
The first product of our package is the Bullshit.
The Bullshit is a proven way to get on the front page, a very easy ploy: you call the reporters, the microphones are turned on and you exclaim your stupidity.
Few minutes and you'll be opening all TV news and of course you will have your picture on the front page of each newspaper.
It is clear that everything depends on what you say.
The Bullshit is a very old art, it requires timing and uncommon wisdom, and our experts are able to sell colossal idiocies.
Look at our last guest, Vice Minister Roberto Castelli.
He had disappeared, nobody called him and he came to us. Who do you think passed him that silliness about crucifixes on Italian flag?
The Bullshit is a simple and immediate way, but not lasting. You can get headlines for a day, maximum two, thanks to the various replies, and the lights go out again.
For those who require more exposure we have a method that does not disappoint you: the Quarrel.
The uniqueness of this product is that it should be called in pairs, with a return of popularity for both. It is a fake clash and it is totally directed by our staff. All you have to do is follow the script. Strong words, personal insults, hard accusations, and you soon will get the front page. Comparing to Bullshit, the Quarrel may even give you a month's showcase and it is a tool that can also be reused: it is sufficient to make peace and then fight again.
Our best customers are, not surprisingly, Silvio Berlusconi and Chamber of Deputies president Gianfranco Fini.
However, we would like to say that sometimes the bickering continues regardless of us.
Often one of the contenders insists to ask us if the other one is still following the script, or he is improvising…
Finally, we conclude our offer with the last frontier to get on front page and stay there indefinitely: the Sex tape.
It is an extreme resort, which indirectly also involves families.
They should be informed in advance. You know, properly prepared, they may come on stage to demonstrate solidarity with you and it is a great vantage.
The partner may be unknown or known, which pushes up interest for the pictures.
Here too we can have the pair version.
It is needless to deny that Alessandra Mussolini and Roberto Fiore are taking advantage of our package.
The winning aspect of Sex tape is that makes you come on the front page without even showing it!
The fact is that we have understood something fundamental.
Most Italians do not want to know the truth.
Almost everybody in this country does not care to know the answers, since they have nothing to ask.
The middle class Italian people just want to hear stories, but simple stories.
They only want to dream, but easy dreams.
They desperately whish to fantasize, but cheap, and they are ready to believe everything as long it tears them away…
Sex tape, Alessandra Mussolini anger: “Shame on who made the trap!”
Stories and news: “invented” Stories, fruit of my imagination, inspired by “true” media News.
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