Friday, May 29, 2009

Minister Brunetta: Italian fatty policemen



Stories and News No. 39:


The Story:

A letter to Minister Brunetta:

Dear Minister Brunetta,
I am one of Italian fatty policemen.
Your words - I quote: you cannot send a 'fat officer' who did nothing but paperwork, down in the streets - did not offend me.
And this for a simple reason: I am proud of my overweight belly.
Yes, I admit, I love good food.
I just passed the forty and a serious knee injury does not allow me to be the man I was ten or twenty years ago.
After work my life has become more sedentary, the money is never enough and so, the only pleasure I have now is when I use a spoon and a fork.
My wife is good in the kitchen but I am great too.
In reality, I am the best chef in the house and this is the reason why you can always be satisfied on our table.
Everyone says it, including my mother-in-law and God knows if it's not a miracle to get her compliments...
So I do not write you because I am hurt by your speech, rather to help you, because your words show that you are not familiar with the literature masterpieces.
A minister who flaunts such failure is indeed a shame, not an obese policeman…
“You cannot send a fat officer down in the streets,” you said. “We need to change the very concept of safety; it has to be done by those that know what they're doing”, you added.
If what you say were true, then Agatha Christie would have invented an unreliable investigator when she wrote the first novel about the exploits of Hercule Poirot.
You did not offend me; you insulted Poirot, a detective with a remarkable calmness and a surprising capacity to reflect; an incredibly accurate and insightful man, with an exceptional flair, very winning weapon against the most intricate cases.
However, he is old, just over a meter high and fat.
Yes, Poirot is a fatty.
However, it’s not finished here.
You said that ‘we cannot send down in the streets a 'fat officer' who did nothing but paperwork.’
If your assertion were correct, well, Nero Wolfe is a bluff.
The investigator born by the pen of Rex Stout solves the most mysterious crimes remaining placidly sit on a comfortable armchair in his consulting room. Indeed Wolfe almost never comes out from his apartment, close between the greenhouse and the kitchen. Yes, the kitchen. The prove is he weights about 150 kilos and is a true gourmet.
How do you see, Nero Wolfe is a fatty too.
The last but not the least that you are disregarding is the Commissioner Maigret, famous character of the novels of George Simenon.
Maigret is always tormented by colleagues for his investigative method; he does not even define it as such. The detective literally immerses himself in the crime scene and thanks to his incredible instinct and his extraordinary capacity of analysis he examines the psychology and particularly the humanity of people, discovering in the end the real cause of every misdeed, hidden in the depths of soul.
However, you have to know that Nero Wolfe is a stout man, with broad shoulders, and above all an avid lover of good food.
Yes, even Nero Wolfe is a fatty.
I stop here, my dear minister.
I conclude with a suggestion: before making your next public speech, take a look at a library...

A fatty policeman


The News:

POLICE: BRUNETTA, TOO MANY 'FATTIES' BEHIND DESKS
Rome, 28 May - More policemen on the streets and less behind desks. Renato Brunetta, Italian Minister for Public Administration spoke about the Italian police force, in an interview last night by journalist Klaus Davi, during his talk show 'Klauscondicio'. "How could I not agree that we need more police on the streets to guarantee our safety? Less bureaucracy and more police on the roads, close to citizens: I think no one could disagree with that". Minister Brunetta explained that it may be more complex than it seems: "It is no easy to go from sitting behind a desk to patrolling the streets. You cannot send a 'fat officer' who did nothing but paperwork, down in the streets: they're going to bite his head off. We need to change the very concept of safety; it has to be done by those that know what they're doing". "Why do we need to apply for passports in a central police station? Let the bureaucrat deal with the bureaucracy and let the policeman with the gun and the truncheon be on the road, in police cars, in helicopters. This is safety. Safety is not bureaucracy, but unfortunately most of the workforce employed in the police corps is doing paperwork, therefore bureaucracy".

Stories and News: “invented” Stories, fruit of my imagination, inspired by “true” media News.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Saras ignores the three deaths on the web: Best Cynical Site 2009

Stories and News No. 38:


The Story:

Hi everyone and welcome to the most desired prize of the net: the Best Cynical Site 2009, recognition to the most cynical web sites.
Even this year it was not easy to make a choice.
Cynicism is now a top value in all areas of the world.
It is normal that it invaded Internet too.
The jurors had spent many incandescent hours trying to find a common agreement on the choice to do and we want to ensure that all concurrent sites were worthy of getting on the podium.
The research of the winner lasted until the judges have heard the news of the death of three workers in Sardinia, in the Saras refinery.
As you all know the cynic has no scruples, or saying it as Oscar Wilde he is one who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.
Anything includes death too.
People who can ignore it even when it is their affair, especially when it is indisputably their responsibility demonstrate an excellent cynicism.
Here it is the home page of the Saras official web site, Saras.it (10.17 a.m.):



The jurors had immediately grainy eyes checking that there was no mention of the workers died the day before in one of the industries of the company.
But the thing that made them literally fall from the chair was after reading the message of self promotion, in the middle of the page:

To progress with respect for safety and the environment

At that point the examiners did not have anymore doubts.
Saras deserves the Best Cynical Site 2009, award for the most cynical web site of this year.
If we also think that Massimo Moratti, the company’s owner, while workers of his factories are dying for lack of security continues to invest mountains of money for his soccer team Inter, coach Mourinho and his players, our choice is perfectly right...

Update: a friend told me that now (1.55 p.m.) is magically appeared the following message Saras Group is deeply saddened for the tragic event involving three workers of the company COMESA where before there was a vague 'press release'. Better late than never...

The News:

Police confirm 3 dead at Saras refinery

CAGLIARI, Italy, May 26 (Reuters) - Three workers died on Tuesday in an incident at Saras SpA's Sarroch refinery on Sardinia, an Italian police spokesman said. The source confirmed a report by Italy's Ansa news agency about the deaths. The three apparently died from inhaling toxic fumes while cleaning a storage tank, the spokesman said.

Stories and News: “invented” Stories, fruit of my imagination, inspired by “true” media News.

Monday, May 25, 2009

The phone call of Berlusconi to Noemi and her boyfriend



Stories and News No. 37:


The Story:

Noemi’s house. The girl is with her boyfriend Gino and suddenly the phone rings:
Noemi: "Hello?"
Mr. B.: "Hello, it’s me."
Noemi: "Hello?! I don’t hear fine... Who are you?"
Mr. B.: "It's me ... can you hear me?!"
Gino: "Who's there?"
Noemi: I didn’t understand ... Hello? Who are you? "
Mr. B.: "It's me!"
Noemi: "Oh my God… is it you? But this is not the usual number... Did you change it?"
Mr. B.: "No... however, listen to me carefully, I must tell you something important."
Gino: "Who is?!"
Noemi: "Shh! It’s him..."
Gino: "Oh..."
Mr. B.: "Who is there with you?"
Noemi: "None! It's the TV..."
Mr. B: "Good. Listen, about our… relationship, you must deny everything, the kiss too. You have to say you told me to be 18 years old and that you told about us to your friends just for joking…"
Noemi: "What friends? I have not told anything to anyone!"
Mr. B: "Don’t tell lies! I know you've chatted..."
Noemi: "It’s not true… and you are the last person in the world that may call me liar…"
Mr. B: "What? What does it mean?"
Noemi: "Come on, one day you say a thing and the day after you go all over the tv news to deny all..."
Mr. B: "All over the tv news?! What are you saying? I’m not so popular..."
Noemi: "Are you modest too, now? But if you have all the major national channels..."
Perplexed silence.
Noemi: "Hello...? Are you still there?"
Mr. B.: "Excuse me... maybe I made a wrong number..."
Confused silence.
Noemi: "But you… aren’t you him?"
Mr. B, alias Billy Ballo, alias Nick Malanno, and alias Alessio Saro: "No, I am not so lucky... At this time I would have already shifted the focus from me with some funny gaffes..."
Click.


The News:

Sex with a minor, arrested comic (Italian news)
“You have to say you told me to be 18 years old and that you told about us to your friends just for joking…” These are the last days of April and not knowing that the police are listening, a very popular comic, more on web than TV is talking on the phone: Billy Ballo, or Alessio Saro, 33 years old. Listening to him there is a girl of 13 years, a girl who gave her virginity to him…

Revealed: How Noemi Letizia's boyfriend dumped his 'little anchovy' for spending too much time with Silvio Berlusconi
Silvio Berlusconi is under pressure to explain his relationship with a teenage girl after her boyfriend dumped her, claiming she was spending too much time with the Italian Prime Minister.
Berlusconi’s ties with Noemi Letizia, 18, have been in the spotlight for a month after it emerged that he paid her a visit during her birthday party and gifted her with a £5,300 gold and diamond necklace.
Now her former boyfriend Gino Flaminio has contradicted Berlusconi’s claims he always met Noemi through her parents and even revealed she had spent New Year at the prime minister’s Sardinian villa.
Gino added that Berlusconi had asked her questions for several minutes before revealing his identity and he added how he had often listened to his phone calls.
He said: 'He had a fatherly attitude when he was speaking to her and I didn't like it. I told her I didn't like it. She is a sweet and innocent girl who can't bear being apart from her teddy bear.'

Stories and News: “invented” Stories, fruit of my imagination, inspired by “true” media News.

Friday, May 22, 2009

The Pope is on Facebook: God requests his friendship and him...



Stories and News No. 36


The Story
:

This is the Press release sent today by St. Peter, the Lord’s Press officer:

This morning the Lord with a capital L - otherwise embarrassing misunderstandings could happen... - has read with great pleasure the news about that Pope joined Facebook.
The Lord with a capital L surfs the Web 2.0 since a long time and He subscribed to the famous social network months ago.
However He has only two Friends contacts:
St. Peter (myself)
Lucifer (but he sends Him a lot of viruses...)
So when He knew the good news, the Lord with a capital L went on Facebook to request friendship to Pope Ratzinger and He found this page:



It is needless to say that the Lord with a capital L did not like what He found…
First of all, it is not possible to ask the friendship to the Pope.
My boss counted very much on it, because then He would have imported the many Pope’s friends to His space.
Nothing, there is no way to be friends of the Pope.
"Why he is on Facebook if you cannot become his friend?" the Lord with the capital L asked.
Then He read the welcome message on the page:

The Pope is not a “Hollywood divo”… signing autographs. The Pope is already with us, is already among us… The Pope talks already with us. This tool offers us the pictures and writings of the Pope, to encourage us to spread the faith in the world of internet… this is the dialogue… Ecclesial dialogue… A dialogue that makes us accept the suggestions of the Pope and stimulates us to live.

We have heard Him screaming all over the paradise. The Lord with a capital L was out of head.
Why?
First, why Ratzinger speaks in third person? The Pope here, the Pope there ... I am Ratzinger; I am here, on Facebook! It is so difficult?
“He reminds me that Berlusconi," the Creator said, “the man that forced me to become the Lord with the capital L! When Silvio is on TV ever says the President here, the President there, the President down, the President up... Hey! You’re talking about yourself! It seems that you’re referring to someone who doesn’t exist..."
However, the fact God really did not like was this idea of dialogue.
‘Ecclesial dialogue’, it is defined there.
"But what does this mean?" the Lord with the capital L exclaimed. “After the Peace War, here we have the Ecclesial Dialogue!”
By the way, the reason of God's indignation is understandable.
A dialogue is a conversation among two or more persons, otherwise it is a monologue. Honestly, in the text of the page presentation is well explained: A dialogue that makes us accept the suggestions of the Pope. Okay, the Pope gives his advice and the People of God – the Lord with a capital L’s possibly friends contacts... – receive it.
“It is a monologue,” God concluded, “I see, like the window in St. Peter's square, like every place the Pope speaks. Why didn’t you say it? We must be clear, honest, and direct. Ecclesial dialogue…”
What can I say…? The Lord with a capital L is still irritated.
If Pope Ratzinger could make just a fan page on Him, it would be a way to rebuild a true dialogue...

Update 5 p.m.: the Pope2you administrators blocked my account and erased message the on the page…
A coherent idea of dialogue…



The News:

Pope on Facebook in attempt to woo young believers
You won't get an email saying Pope Benedict added you as a friend and you can't "poke" him or write on his wall, but the Vatican is still keen to use the networking site Facebook to woo young people back to church.
A new Vatican website, www.pope2you.net, has gone live, offering an application called "The pope meets you on Facebook," and another allowing the faithful to see the Pope's speeches and messages on their iPhones or iPods.
The Vatican's World Communications Day this Sunday is devoted to communicating the gospel with new technologies.
"We recognize that a church that does not communicate ceases to be a church," said Monsignor Paul Tighe, secretary of the Vatican's Social
"Many young people today are not turning to traditional media like newspapers and magazines any more for information and entertainment.
"They are looking to a different media culture, and this is our effort to ensure that the Church is present in that communications culture."

Stories and News: “invented” Stories, fruit of my imagination, inspired by “true” media News.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Mistaken for Berlusconi: God brings a lawsuit against the Times



Stories and News No. 35


The Story:

To the British Prosecutor, London Court, Lawsuit Act:

The undersigned, legal representative of:
God, the Lord, the supreme, eternal, infinite Creator of the universe.
Stated as follows:
1) My Client does not need anymore presentations.
2) The Times on May 16 published an interview with Anna Palumbo in which my assisted was confused with the Italian Government Premier; the next day the mistake was corrected.
3) Silvio Berlusconi, according to our information, is a person of questionable morality and the mistaken for the one and only Lord is not acceptable to Him.

So, according to the seventh commandment, as the Book of Exodus tells:
You shall not make wrongful use of the name of the Lord your God, for the Lord will not acquit anyone who misuses his name.
And to the facts above, it is proposed a lawsuit against the Times.

However, since the newspaper is responsible for a mere transcription error and considering that Italian premier is true guilty of the breach, having concentrated on himself international attention for his extramarital escapade; since Italy, according to the OECD, was at the end of 2008 in the 23rd place for earnings on the list of the 30 countries that are part of the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development; since the Times published last Saturday a research which indicates that Italian Members of Eu Parliament as the most paid in Europe and the most guilty of absenteeism, it is suggested this solution:
Elected candidates in Italy to represent the country in Europe will have cut their salary of fifty percent. They will receive the remaining pay in proportion of the actual number of admissions, while the residual amount will be uses the help Italian pour people.

Eden, 18 May 2009

Lucifer (The legal representative)

PS: He’s the best lawyer He found…


The News:

From Times Online, May 18, 2009: Clarification
A report (“The teenage model, the £5,000 pendant and the Prime Minister”, May 16) quoted Anna Palumbo, the mother of Noemi Letizia, saying that she hoped Silvio Berlusconi could do for her daughter what he did not manage to do for her, implying that she had known Mr Berlusconi in the 1980s during her early TV career. This quote was, in fact, given to an Italian journalist and was mistranslated in our report. Ms Palumbo was not referring to Mr Berlusconi when she said “il Signore” but to “the Lord”, meaning God. There was, therefore, no implication that she knew Mr Berlusconi in the 1980s. We apologise for any embarrassment caused.

Stories and News
: “invented” Stories, fruit of my imagination, inspired by “true” media News.

Friday, May 15, 2009

An Egyptian immigrant cannot read and an italian mayor does not grant the citizenship



Stories and News No. 34

The Story:

The hall of the Caravaggio’s Municipality is almost deserted. The stranger, the non Eu citizen, the illegal immigrant, soon no longer such, is accompanied by his wife and some family friends. They are not many but good ones.
Mayor Giuseppe Prevedini waits in the background with a fake smile on his face. He is not alone and with him we can see the inevitable counsellor, assistant, trusted employee, all together in the same person.
"Look at this guy..." Prevedini murmurs to the latter. "He married one of our women..."
"It’s a shame,” the counsellor comments.
He always speaks like this. He underlines, stresses and supports the mayor's words, whatever they are, almost always.
"Good morning", the future Italian says, with wife’s left hand in his right one. The voice is a little tremulous. The man is obviously excited. This explains the black sunglasses to reassure his eyes and the uncertain walk, sustained by the woman with him.
"Good morning to you," answered Prevedini, further enlarging the alleged printed smile in the face. "If for you is fine, I would start immediately. This morning I have so many commitments..."
"Sure!" The man promptly exclaims. It is inevitable; he cannot wait any longer to go in the law land, especially after the last government’s attitude in matter of immigration…
"Counsellor, give him the text of the oath," the mayor abruptly says.
The assistant obeys and the man is in front of the formula.
Few lines and he will be safe, free, a finally integrated person.
Suddenly, time stops. The worried woman starts to look her husband’s forehead. It’s convulsively tense and drops of sweat begin to surface on the skin.
"Excuse me ..." she says, shifting his gaze between Prevedini and his collaborator. "But how can he?"
"What?" the mayor asked, while he is controlling the phone calls.
"The paper..." the woman answered.
"My husband cannot read it..."
"Really?”
The mayor’s fake smile turns into a real fleer. "This is the product of the Left. These people arrive here to use just their rules and don’t loose time to learn the language. Get out of here!" Then he takes the oath document away of the man’s hands. "Come back when you can read it."
"No," the wife insists, while the man cannot speak any word, victim of anger mixed with sorrow, "you did not understand… my husband..."
"Mayor..." the counsellor tries to say. It is the first time since he is there that he speaks to Prevedini without being questioned. The fact is that he has understood...
"I said get out of here!" the Mayor repeated, instilling further anger in his voice. "If you want to become Italian you should know how to read."
"But my husband ..." the wife unnecessarily continues.
"Mayor..." the assistant says, with no better luck. He is not used to have the initiative and it is evident; the voice is weak and insignificant.
"Go out!" Prevedini cries. "Don’t make me call the security guards..."
The woman is going to speak again but the man finally moves. He takes his wife’s hand and invited her to leave.
"But dear ..." she says with tears in the eyes.
"Let's go," he exclaims, "I will learn to read..."
"But how you gonna do?"
"I know... Trust me."
The two get out and the counsellor wants again to be heard: "Mayor..."
"What is it?" Prevedini asks. He is angry but satisfied.
"Sir, the man’s problem isn’t he can read or not..."
"And what else? He is perhaps blind?"
"Yes ..."
An awkward silence follows the conversation that closes the scene. The zoom camera closes on them and goes back, like the stranger and his wife, the clandestine and his lovely partner, the illegal immigrant and his Italian love.


The News:

He cannot read Italian; Lega Nord mayor denies citizenship. Egyptian cannot read the Constitution oath.
An Egyptian immigrant cannot read Italian and the Mayor of Caravaggio (Bergamo) does not grant the citizenship. Yesterday when the mayor, Giuseppe Prevedini, has given the formula of the Constitution oath to him, he - who have long lived in Caravaggio and is married to a woman from Bergamo - admitted he could not read our language. Even if the law does not provide knowledge of the language, Prevedini was adamant: he should learn.

P.S.: According to data published in 2005 by a research in the University Castel Sant'Angelo by the UNLA (National Union for the Fight against Illiteracy), nearly six million of Italians are totally illiterate. They represent the 12% of the population against 7.5% of the graduates. Italy is lagging behind 30 countries among the more educated. Only Portugal and Mexico have a higher rate...


Stories and News: “invented” Stories, fruit of my imagination, inspired by “true” media News.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Stories and News No.33: Marco Carta, Berlusconi, Ancelotti and Ferrari are just papers to protect me from the cold



The Story:

People call me The Lie and I am a busker.
Honestly, I am just a musician...
I don’t have a great voice, but I play guitar since I was a child. I did not need amplifiers and an adoring public.
I simply take my classical guitar and I play. I used to play…
I always thought that to make music was this. I never believed that I could become famous, but I have always known that I should have to work a lot to eat, because no one would have done for me.
With this idea in mind I entered for the first time in a pizzeria.
It was not easy, believe me. Before that time I had ever played for myself and no one else. I am shy, terribly shy and I never figured myself in front of an audience, even in a moment of failure to vanity. I have never been vain, I am too ugly for this and I have never liked the illusions.
However, as I said, when the stomach does not wait anyone except his proprietary, there is no time for further doubts.
“The hunger is a question that requires a single answer…” my father told me many years ago, one of the rare nights in which he was sober.
He would have said the thirst, I think, but I appreciated it the same.
So I have given a boost to my back and without looking anyone in the face I started to run my hands on the stretched strings. While the notes were fleeing away from them I felt a feeling inside that I had never tried before, an unexpected shame.
The fact is that playing for me has always meant the affirmation of my personal right, the one to speak my voice in the only way I knew.
Nothing could be farther from what I felt that night at that restaurant in the centre of Rome.
The true is that people who were there, sitting at the tables, were not a real audience and I knew well.
While I went in with my trusted companion on my shoulder, there were those who swallowed a mouthful of capricciosa and who sent down in the throat a sip of beer, who asked the waiter where the toilets were and who told jokes to friends. They were not there for me and I was disturbing them, even if with the music, mine.
And then the unexpected happened.
I finished my song and slowly, trembling like a leaf, I started to walk through the tables with my straw hat.
You cannot imagine the joy I felt seeing that rain of coins and bills dropped in the middle of my cap.
I am not here to talk about money, believe me. In that moment I loved as never before those people, because in that way is like they had told me that I gave no discomfort, that my song was not uncomfortable to them, that perhaps I would be able to return, that I was not that bad, as guitarist.
It was beautiful and I still remember today the face of each of those persons, despite almost three decades.
I don’t play anymore, I have arthritis in my hands it hurts me if I try to bend them too quickly. How could I throw them on the guitar? The music needs to speed, because the notes are never twice the in same place…
Now I have here some recent newspapers I pick for covering me and sometimes I read it before facing the night. Fortunately, the winter is past; I have crossed it almost free. So I do not need a lot of paper to cover…
I read about this Marco Carta, that his concert was suspended because there were too many people, more than the planned 2200.
I could not believe it. The article says that the place has nothing to do with all that the singer could not perform. La forza mia (My force), his song says. But what force? Marco, but how is it possible? Those people were not there for you but it is the contrary. You had to exit out of the building, guitar in hand and play at least one song for them, especially for those who were not able to enter.
If you can play, of course...
I was born in Rome, I live in Rome but for I am a Milan supporter. The reason is simple. My mother was Milanese. I have never known her and the few photos I have portray her in that city in Lombardy.
I read today that Berlusconi has said that if Milan had not won this year is Ancelotti's fault. No one has defended the coach, not even the vice president of the team, Galliani.
It is unfair. When a ship does not arrive at its destination on time, or in the worst probability it plunges, the fault belongs to everyone, from the captain to the last sailor.
It is a matter of honor, it’s a matter of style, and it is a question of honesty.
It's too easy to always blame someone else for my actions.
It is like saying that my wife Veronica, the mother of my children, left me because she read a Left newspaper...
But the bad news was not finished.
The Ferrari chiefs have said that if Mosley does not change his decision they could say goodbye to the formula one.
I cannot even drive a small normal car… For me racing cars are a dream and the Ferrari is the greatest. Don’t steal me that too...
Well, for this reason I used not to read the newspapers before I sleep.
Bad news, I find only bad news.
Now I talked enough, it’s time to rest.
It is better that I use the newspapers to cover me; reading them makes me suffer.
Maybe I should write on them.
I have so many things to tell...

PS: Ah, why people call me The Lie? Because there is nothing true in what I have just written...


The News:

Ferrari threaten to quit formula one over budget cap row
Ferrari raised the stakes yesterday in what looks like an all-out war with the sport's governing body over the new formula one regulations for 2010 by announcing that it would not be entering next year's world championship unless the rules were changed.
In what promises to be the biggest challenge to Max Mosley's role as president of the FIA the Italian team said it was not interested in competing under the proposed £40m 'budget cap' regulations. That would in effect see the sport's most senior category reduced to a 'two-tier' affair with those teams who accepted the budget cap having the advantage of technical benefits not available to those who wished to dictate their own expenditure levels...

Berlusconi on Ancelotti: 'All his fault'
During a visit to Egypt, the President attacked the Milan coach.
Berlusconi: "Ancelotti’s fault if we lost the championship".
SHARM EL SHEIK - "It’s all Ancelotti’s fault". Something must be broken between Silvio Berlusconi and the coach. It seems there could be a divorce even with the coach of Milan...

Marco Carta: Too many people at the concert
When success comes suddenly is always difficult to manage. Not only for the new 'star' but even for professionals who, on the contrary, should have more insight and a long view. In order to avoid unpleasant incidents such as occurred the other evening to the many fans of Marco Carta, the new Italian pop idol, fresh winner of Sanremo.
The concert program Monday evening in the Atlantic was suspended after the young performer proposed a medley of his songs.
The reason for the suspension is that too many people arrived. Much more than the provided 2200...

Stories and News: “invented” Stories, fruit of my imagination, inspired by “true” media News.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Stories and News No. 32: 100 reasons not to die in Sri Lanka



The Story:

1. Because I don’t want to die.
2. Because despite being hopelessly poor, I am glad that I was born.
3. Because when I laugh my mother forgets her sadness.
4. Because tomorrow is my birthday.
5. Because it was yesterday and I haven’t celebrated, but my dad has promised that next year will be different.
6. Because I do grimaces better than all of my brothers.
7. Because I believe that one day I can run faster than Bolt.
8. Because tonight I had a beautiful dream and I will do it again the next.
9. Because I have not yet learned to speak, but when it will happen I will say a lot of things.
10. Because I have never seen the sea and someone told me that it is beautiful.
11. Because I will be better than Cristiano Ronaldo.
12. Because if Obama became President in the United States, I have a few possibilities here too.
13. Because if I die, I want it for a more important reason.
14. Because I never gave a real kiss to someone.
15. Because before death I want to make love for the first time.
16. Because when I feel cold in my bed I go in the middle of my parents and it is wonderful.
17. Because until now I only drank milk and a day I want to know the wine’s taste.
18. Because yesterday I twisted my ankle and today I could not play the match.
19. Because without me how my father will carry our last name to the future?
20. Because my grandpa told me that I look like him.
21. Because one day I'll give a beautiful gift to the teacher.
22. Because one day she did the same to me.
23. Because I have not yet learned to swim.
24. Because I only count up to ten and I’d wish to arrive to eleven, twelve and thirteen...
25. Because I am good at drawing the trees.
26. Because I finally understood what the moon is.
27. Because mom and dad yesterday had a reconciliation.
28. Because my uncle makes me laugh.
29. Because even if I wake up hungry in the morning, I'm smiling.
30. Because I know that the world is big.
31. Because tomorrow I will be higher than today.
32. Because I have beautiful eyes.
33. Because I swear not to kill more ants.
34. Because my mother has only me.
35. Because I fear that there is no paradise.
36. Because I know that there is, but I like to stay here a little bit more.
37. Because I learned to squeeze my left eye.
38. Because my companion gave me a kiss on the cheek.
39. Because one day I will I give it to her.
40. Because I do not know who I will be tomorrow, but certainly I will be rich and happy.
41. Because I made a pit and I forgot to fill.
42. Because I have to apologize to my brother that I hit.
43. Because my father said that he has a surprise for me.
44. Because when I close my eyes I see only wonders.
45. Because I like listening to stories.
46. Because I am pretty.
47. Because I want to dance all my life.
48. Because I have no dinner yesterday, but today maybe yes.
49. Because I lost my first tooth.
50. Because my fever has passed away.
51. Because grandma told me that in the ocean there are the whales.
52. Because I am Batman, but don’t tell it anyone.
53. Because I am stronger than Batman, don’t say this too.
54. Because my skin is still smooth and soft as the petals of a flower.
55. Because I am no more afraid of the dark.
56. Because I love animals.
57. Because I love them all, except the mosquitoes.
58. Because I cough, but I will stay better quickly.
59. Because I pulled the ball farther than my older brother.
60. Because I have a beautiful voice, my cousin told me and she is expert.
61. Because I can do bubbles with saliva.
62. Because I won’t put my fingers in the nose, I promise.
63. Because yesterday I said a dirty word but it was a mistake.
64. Because I get on the tree and my brother said I couldn’t.
65. Because I am spiteful only when I slept badly.
66. Because I often cry but that is my only way to speak.
67. Because I wash my teeth every night, even when there's no toothpaste.
68. Because Saturday I will go to see a movie.
69. Because I am good with dribbling.
70. Because one day I will be a writer.
71. Because I will be a doctor.
72. Because I will be a lawyer.
73. Because I am just as beautiful as my mother.
74. Because I look like my father, who is not beautiful, but he is honest.
75. Because they told me that I am good like Ronaldinho.
76. Why I have to bring my dog to pee.
77. Because when I look in the mirror, I always smile.
78. Because I like listening to music.
79. Because I don’t remember that city’s name but one day I'll go there.
80. Because today the river was cold and we could not swim.
81. Because my brother is dead and my parents don’t want to lose me too.
82. Because when I play with my sister we almost never have a fight.
83. Because I don’t have the muscles as dad but I'm practicing.
84. Because yesterday I combed as my mother and she cried of joy.
85. Because I laughed and you she stopped to cry happier than before.
86. Because one day I will have a beard like dad.
87. Because my grandpa is old and he needs me.
88. Because I will return to school, when someone will reconstruct it.
89. Because I wrote my name with rice grains.
90. Because my sister ate them but I was not angry.
91. Because sometimes I am sad, but soon it passes.
92. Because I did a few things and I remind all of them.
93. Because I do not like tea but I drink the same and my mother is happy.
94. Because I like ice cream, even with only one taste.
95. Because I am only eight years old.
96. Because I am even less.
97. Because I don’t know my age, but it’s not great.
98. Because I feel alive.
99. Because I am alive.
100. Because I have all my life behind me...


The News:

From Reuters, 11 may 2009: U.N. blasts Sri Lanka weekend attack as 'bloodbath'
The United Nations said a weekend attack in Sri Lanka that killed hundreds was the bloodbath it had feared, while the Tamil Tigers and government traded blame ahead of U.N. Security Council talks over the war.
In the latest reported assault on civilians trapped in the war zone, at least hundreds of people were reported killed on Sunday in an artillery barrage that struck the less than 5 square km the separatist rebels control.
"We've been consistently warning against a bloodbath, and the large-scale killing of civilians including more than 100 children this weekend appears to show that the bloodbath has become a reality," U.N. spokesman Gordon Weiss said.

Stories and News: “invented” Stories, fruit of my imagination, inspired by “true” media News.

Friday, May 8, 2009

Stories and News No. 31: We want wagons for Milanese citizens only

The Story:

Dear friends,
I am a very careful person of the events that, in this troubled moment, have trapped the nation. For obvious reasons, I prefer to remain anonymous, because the revelations which I am going to say could put me at risk.
I confess that I have contacted newspapers and magazines, TV channels too; however, no one wanted to have the responsibility to make public my statements. I trust in the courage to show the truth that shines through the net.
Romanians, Polishes, Chinese, Indians, Pakistanis, now they’re living among us. They live, quoting a movie by Carpenter. And with these people there are also the Africans. I guess you have noticed them too. I don’t want to add other anxiety about the invasion that our cities are suffering. Nevertheless, I feel a duty to shed light on the worst aspect of this disaster.
Don’t you have felt any apprehension in front of to these dark skin people, often with pronounced lips and strong muscles, with lean and vigorous bodies, healthy teeth and bright eyes? Don’t you have felt anything unusual observing these athletes running and jumping beyond all human measure?



On the picture: Mario Balotelli

I prefer avoid mentioning about other - in my view, alleged ... - secret talents.
Have you ever wondered why these people have these skills?
Well, I discovered the truth. Having spent years hidden in my house and having closely followed the news on public television, reading all the major national newspapers, carefully selecting the neighbours, I finally saw the light. What about you? Are you blind or what?
I call you now, dear compatriots, who wisely feared the growing African presence. You have to know that the reality is even worse than your imagination: they are not human, they are aliens! Yes, you read well. The Africans are extraterrestrials. Don’t you see that this explains everything? Don’t you understand that this discovery instantly motivates the existence of any capacity unfamiliar to us?
So the truth is once again what puts balance in our lives. You have only to isolate yourself from the world around, to protect your eyes and finally recognize the true nature of the enemy.
We want the Aliens outside of our city!
When I go in the subway I have the right to sit with people with a human face, which may inspire confidence to me, as they are:



On the wagon: Calderoli, Borghezio, Bossi, Salvini (Lega Nord)


The News:

From Sky.it, 7 May 2009: Seats only for Milanese citizens
Seats only for Milanese people on public transport in Milan. The idea is by Matteo Salvini, of Lega Nord: “Who go in the metro, tram and bus wants to stay away from the arrogance of illegal immigrants and foreigners.”

Stories and News: “invented” Stories, fruit of my imagination, inspired by “true” media News.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Stories and News No. 30: Let me go out, I am innocent



The Story:

My name is John and I am innocent.
As Thaddeus Jimenez, I also have been unjustly arrested.
Like him, I was imprisoned for a crime that I did not commit.
I live in the United States too, the land that many define the most important democracy in the world.
Similarly to that man, a day of many years ago a policeman put on me two handcuffs and made me get on his car.
In the same way I did everything to convince him that he had made a mistake, but it was totally superfluous.
Just like his case, at the time of the trial many witnesses came out, perfectly sure of my guilt, beyond a reasonable doubt.
With the same speed, the judge issued the worst sentence and I was transferred to a prison together with many real culprits and numerous innocent people like myself.
As that wretch man, I had to manage the unspeakable anger that was burning my stomach for the unfairness, the infinite sorrow for my unjust fate, the unacceptable hatred for God or whom have allowed such violence.
However, I did not have his destiny, which made him return to the sun light.
I am still here, like many, hoping to earn a result like his for the end of my story.
Yes, my story.
Because the news that matters to all of you is that a man named Thaddeus Jimenez was able to escape from hell.
For those who are still there, like me, there is no news.
There is at least some story...


The News (5 May 2009):

CHICAGO (AFP) — Arrested at 13 for a murder he didn't commit, Thaddeus Jimenez spent more than 16 years in jail before his conviction was tossed out and the man originally fingered for the crime was arrested. Jimenez is believed to be the youngest person convicted of a crime who has been exonerated in the United States. He was tried as an adult and sentenced to 45 years in jail -- despite the fact that an alleged accomplice in the murder insisted that another teen been the shooter and that police were provided with a tape in which that teen confessed. According to news reports, prosecutors have charged Juan Carlos Torres, mpw 30, with the murder, and have filed papers for his extradition from Indiana, where he now resides. Meanwhile, Jimenez, also 30, who went to prison barely in his teens, returned to his mother's arms Friday a grown man. "Oh my God I can't believe it. I can't believe he's here," Victoria Jimenez sobbed as she wrapped her arms around her son. Jimenez clutched a piece of paper as he walked up to a podium in Chicago Monday to thank his family and his lawyers for working so hard to get him free. "You'll have to excuse me if I fumble some of my words. I'm a little bit nervous," he told reporters. "I'm happy to be alive today," he said as his mother wiped tears from her eyes and clutched his sister's hand. "There are many more innocent men, women and children still in prison today. I hope my case can be studied and used to prevent other defendants -- especially juveniles -- from having to endure what I had to endure." Many high-profile exonerations --some which have prompted several US states to suspend the death penalty -- have been gained through genetic testing of old evidence. But in Jimenez's case, freedom was won when the local prosecutors agreed to reopen the case, even after a judge dismissed a petition to for a retrial when two witnesses who had initially testified against him recanted. Recantations are often dismissed by judges unwilling to reopen a case, said Steven Drizin, who worked for years to free Jimenez and is director of the Wrongful Conviction Center at Northwestern University. "Our system is fraught with errors," Drizin told AFP. "The real question is what happens when errors are brought to the attention of those able to right a wrong. "In this case the prosecution stepped up to the plate, but there are many other cases where that doesn't happen." The case highlights problems with charging teens as adults and relying upon the testimony of children who are easily intimidated "into saying just about anything, Drizen said. "The case was built largely on the testimony of a terrified 14-year-old boy who the police woke up in the middle of the night and took down to the station without a parent and interrogated him until he changed his story," he said. An estimated 200,000 juveniles are tried, sentenced or incarcerated as adults every year in the United States, according to the Campaign for Youth Justice. The United States is alone in the world in applying the sentence of life without parole for crimes committed by juveniles, according to Human Rights Watch, which found nearly 2,500 US youths offenders serving such sentences last year.

Stories and News: “invented” Stories, fruit of my imagination, inspired by “true” media News.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Stories and News No. 29: Berlusconi and Veronica: the Pope writes a letter to the Premier



The Story:

Dear Silvio,
I read the newspaper - yours, I always read yours, I am coherent... – about the tragic moment that you and your wife are living.
This is a painful personal affair...” you said.
You’re wrong, my son.
The family, Silvio, the family is never a personal affair to us and you should know this.
We… ops, you have based the election campaign on the family when you came into politics world, God bless that day, at least until the last week.
What are you doing to me?
I told to you: if you want to have a party with eighteen girls, do it in your home! Don’t make me say bad words… Don’t exaggerate! I told you also this many times. Veronica is a good woman, but she’s not stupid. This I wrote on the Bruno Vespa’s book that I gave you. What about you? You never listen to my advices.
Yet, after I heard of the request of separation by your wife, I thought: it’s not over; I will intercede; I will take care of it. I was shortening my eyebrows before leaving to make footing when my radio gave the news about your reactions to Veronica’s decision. Regarding the possibility of reconciliation, you said these words: "I don't think so. I don't know if I want that this time. Veronica will have to apologise to me publicly..."
She will have to apologise to you? Silvio! Do you think this is the right moment to be headstrong? Moreover it’s you that have to apologise and not only to Veronica. You have forgotten the family! Family, my son! You’ll make me say a really bad word, this time...
What else did you say? Ah, this is painful personal affair... Is it painful to you? Silvio! The family is not just your stuff, how can you disregard such a thing? All of us - and when I say us, you know what I mean… need the family, your family first. Here are all crying, first of all Bagnasco. He’s fragile, you know it.
But the point where you reach the maximum is this: “We have maintained a difficult situation together for the love of our children, but now it’s over.
For the love of our children? Silvio, I do not believe to my ears.
For the love of the family, not the children! You must take care of the family, not the children. You also said that the children are on your side.
Shit!

Are you happy? Finally you made me say a bad word!
Silvio, an old man with children is not a family. To have a family you need a mother and mom is going away. A natural mother, of course. If a natural mother goes away, the natural family is over.
And if natural family is over, it implies the end of our family.
Now you're alone, Silvio.
No family, no Party.
Goodbye.

P. R.


The News:

Reuters, 4 May 2009: Berlusconi rejects patch-up with wife, seeks apology.
Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi said even a public apology from his wife would not be enough to salvage his 19-year marriage after she disparaged him in the media. His wife Veronica said over the weekend she planned to file for divorce, days after criticizing Berlusconi for attending an 18-year old aspiring model's birthday party and a "shamelessly trashy" selection of female candidates for European elections. The 72-year-old prime minister and media magnate issued an emotional public apology two years ago when his wife reprimanded him for flirting with young starlets, but told La Stampa newspaper that he had called in the lawyers this time. "To tell the truth, there may even be conditions to sue for defamation, but it's best to leave that alone," he said.
Berlusconi lamented to the Corriere della Sera daily that his wife had been "stirred up" and "fallen into a media trap." Asked if a last-minute reconciliation was possible. he said: "I don't think so, I don't know if I want it this time. Veronica should publicly apologize to me ... And I don't know if that will be enough. It's the third time that she has pulled off a trick like this during an election campaign. "It really is too much," the prime minister said.
Berlusconi, who on Friday declared himself the world's most popular leader, said he did not believe the media frenzy surrounding his private life would hurt his approval ratings or his party's performance in the European elections in June.
A poll published last month showed Berlusconi's approval ratings rose in April to 56 percent thanks to his swift response to a deadly earthquake in central Italy, while the premier puts his own popularity at just over 75 percent.
Opposition members have declined to comment on the matter and called it a private affair, but center-left leader Dario Franceschini demanded Berlusconi stop suggesting his marital troubles had been stirred up by the left.
'ANYTHING BUT SHOWGIRLS'
Defending at length his party's choice of female candidates that Veronica had lambasted as "entertainment for the emperor," Berlusconi said each woman had impressive qualifications.
"We never included any showgirl in the list and the three that we excluded at the last minute were very capable girls, with an excellent education. Anything but showgirls," he said.
"Veronica has believed many inaccurate things written in the press, unfortunately."
He also shrugged off Veronica's anger at his presence at the Naples birthday bash of an 18-year-old woman. Berlusconi said he agreed to stop by at the party only at the insistence of the woman's father, an old friend.
"There's nothing strange here, it's happened several times with birthdays and marriages," Berlusconi said.
The couple's marital problems has quickly become the main conversation topic in cafes and offices across Italy and dominated the front pages of Italian newspapers on Monday. "It's Veronica who must apologize," Corriere's headline declared.
Supporters of Berlusconi have criticized Veronica, who rarely appears with him and has long lived in a separate house, for the latest public clash with her husband. The two have been together for 29 years and were married in 1990.
Berlusconi, who is Italy's second-richest man, has three children aged 20, 22 and 24 with Veronica.
However, it is his two children by his first marriage who play the most prominent roles in his business empire.
Son Piersilvio is vice-chairman of media group Mediaset while daughter Marina chairs holding company Fininvest and publishing arm Mondadori.

Stories and News: “invented” Stories, fruit of my imagination, inspired by “true” media News.