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Showing posts from May, 2009

Minister Brunetta: Italian fatty policemen

Stories and News No. 39 : The Story : A letter to Minister Brunetta : Dear Minister Brunetta, I am one of Italian fatty policemen. Your words - I quote: you cannot send a 'fat officer' who did nothing but paperwork, down in the streets - did not offend me. And this for a simple reason: I am proud of my overweight belly. Yes, I admit, I love good food. I just passed the forty and a serious knee injury does not allow me to be the man I was ten or twenty years ago. After work my life has become more sedentary, the money is never enough and so, the only pleasure I have now is when I use a spoon and a fork. My wife is good in the kitchen but I am great too. In reality, I am the best chef in the house and this is the reason why you can always be satisfied on our table. Everyone says it, including my mother-in-law and God knows if it's not a miracle to get her compliments... So I do not write you because I am hurt by your speech, rather to help you, because your words show t

Saras ignores the three deaths on the web: Best Cynical Site 2009

Stories and News No. 38 : The Story : Hi everyone and welcome to the most desired prize of the net: the Best Cynical Site 2009 , recognition to the most cynical web sites . Even this year it was not easy to make a choice. Cynicism is now a top value in all areas of the world. It is normal that it invaded Internet too. The jurors had spent many incandescent hours trying to find a common agreement on the choice to do and we want to ensure that all concurrent sites were worthy of getting on the podium. The research of the winner lasted until the judges have heard the news of the death of three workers in Sardinia, in the Saras refinery. As you all know the cynic has no scruples, or saying it as Oscar Wilde he is one who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing . Anything includes death too. People who can ignore it even when it is their affair, especially when it is indisputably their responsibility demonstrate an excellent cynicism. Here it is the home page of the Saras

The phone call of Berlusconi to Noemi and her boyfriend

Stories and News No. 37 : The Story : Noemi’s house. The girl is with her boyfriend Gino and suddenly the phone rings : Noemi: "Hello?" Mr. B.: "Hello, it’s me." Noemi: "Hello?! I don’t hear fine... Who are you?" Mr. B.: "It's me ... can you hear me?!" Gino: "Who's there?" Noemi: I didn’t understand ... Hello? Who are you? " Mr. B.: "It's me!" Noemi: "Oh my God… is it you ? But this is not the usual number... Did you change it?" Mr. B.: "No... however, listen to me carefully, I must tell you something important." Gino: "Who is?!" Noemi: "Shh! It’s him ..." Gino: "Oh..." Mr. B.: "Who is there with you?" Noemi: "None! It's the TV..." Mr. B: "Good. Listen, about our… relationship, you must deny everything, the kiss too. You have to say you told me to be 18 years old and that you told about us to your friends just for joking …&quo

The Pope is on Facebook: God requests his friendship and him...

Stories and News No. 36 The Story : This is the Press release sent today by St. Peter, the Lord’s Press officer : This morning the Lord with a capital L - otherwise embarrassing misunderstandings could happen... - has read with great pleasure the news about that Pope joined Facebook. The Lord with a capital L surfs the Web 2.0 since a long time and He subscribed to the famous social network months ago. However He has only two Friends contacts: St. Peter (myself) Lucifer (but he sends Him a lot of viruses...) So when He knew the good news, the Lord with a capital L went on Facebook to request friendship to Pope Ratzinger and He found this page: It is needless to say that the Lord with a capital L did not like what He found… First of all, it is not possible to ask the friendship to the Pope. My boss counted very much on it, because then He would have imported the many Pope’s friends to His space. Nothing, there is no way to be friends of the Pope. "Why he is on Facebook i

Mistaken for Berlusconi: God brings a lawsuit against the Times

Stories and News No. 35 The Story : To the British Prosecutor, London Court, Lawsuit Act : The undersigned, legal representative of : God, the Lord, the supreme, eternal, infinite Creator of the universe. Stated as follows : 1) My Client does not need anymore presentations. 2) The Times on May 16 published an interview with Anna Palumbo in which my assisted was confused with the Italian Government Premier; the next day the mistake was corrected. 3) Silvio Berlusconi, according to our information, is a person of questionable morality and the mistaken for the one and only Lord is not acceptable to Him. So, according to the seventh commandment, as the Book of Exodus tells: You shall not make wrongful use of the name of the Lord your God, for the Lord will not acquit anyone who misuses his name . And to the facts above, it is proposed a lawsuit against the Times . However, since the newspaper is responsible for a mere transcription error and considering that Italian premier i

An Egyptian immigrant cannot read and an italian mayor does not grant the citizenship

Stories and News No. 34 The Story : The hall of the Caravaggio’s Municipality is almost deserted. The stranger, the non Eu citizen, the illegal immigrant, soon no longer such, is accompanied by his wife and some family friends. They are not many but good ones. Mayor Giuseppe Prevedini waits in the background with a fake smile on his face. He is not alone and with him we can see the inevitable counsellor, assistant, trusted employee, all together in the same person. "Look at this guy..." Prevedini murmurs to the latter. "He married one of our women..." "It’s a shame,” the counsellor comments. He always speaks like this. He underlines, stresses and supports the mayor's words, whatever they are, almost always. "Good morning", the future Italian says, with wife’s left hand in his right one. The voice is a little tremulous. The man is obviously excited. This explains the black sunglasses to reassure his eyes and the uncertain walk, sustained by th

Stories and News No.33: Marco Carta, Berlusconi, Ancelotti and Ferrari are just papers to protect me from the cold

The Story : People call me The Lie and I am a busker . Honestly, I am just a musician... I don’t have a great voice, but I play guitar since I was a child. I did not need amplifiers and an adoring public. I simply take my classical guitar and I play. I used to play… I always thought that to make music was this. I never believed that I could become famous, but I have always known that I should have to work a lot to eat, because no one would have done for me. With this idea in mind I entered for the first time in a pizzeria. It was not easy, believe me. Before that time I had ever played for myself and no one else. I am shy, terribly shy and I never figured myself in front of an audience, even in a moment of failure to vanity. I have never been vain, I am too ugly for this and I have never liked the illusions. However, as I said, when the stomach does not wait anyone except his proprietary, there is no time for further doubts. “The hunger is a question that requires a single answe

Stories and News No. 32: 100 reasons not to die in Sri Lanka

The Story : 1. Because I don’t want to die. 2. Because despite being hopelessly poor, I am glad that I was born. 3. Because when I laugh my mother forgets her sadness. 4. Because tomorrow is my birthday. 5. Because it was yesterday and I haven’t celebrated, but my dad has promised that next year will be different. 6. Because I do grimaces better than all of my brothers. 7. Because I believe that one day I can run faster than Bolt. 8. Because tonight I had a beautiful dream and I will do it again the next. 9. Because I have not yet learned to speak, but when it will happen I will say a lot of things. 10. Because I have never seen the sea and someone told me that it is beautiful. 11. Because I will be better than Cristiano Ronaldo. 12. Because if Obama became President in the United States, I have a few possibilities here too. 13. Because if I die, I want it for a more important reason. 14. Because I never gave a real kiss to someone. 15. Because before death I want to make love for t

Stories and News No. 31: We want wagons for Milanese citizens only

The Story : Dear friends, I am a very careful person of the events that, in this troubled moment, have trapped the nation. For obvious reasons, I prefer to remain anonymous, because the revelations which I am going to say could put me at risk. I confess that I have contacted newspapers and magazines, TV channels too; however, no one wanted to have the responsibility to make public my statements. I trust in the courage to show the truth that shines through the net. Romanians, Polishes, Chinese, Indians, Pakistanis, now they’re living among us. They live , quoting a movie by Carpenter. And with these people there are also the Africans. I guess you have noticed them too. I don’t want to add other anxiety about the invasion that our cities are suffering. Nevertheless, I feel a duty to shed light on the worst aspect of this disaster. Don’t you have felt any apprehension in front of to these dark skin people, often with pronounced lips and strong muscles, with lean and vigorous bodies, heal

Stories and News No. 30: Let me go out, I am innocent

The Story : My name is John and I am innocent. As Thaddeus Jimenez, I also have been unjustly arrested. Like him, I was imprisoned for a crime that I did not commit. I live in the United States too, the land that many define the most important democracy in the world. Similarly to that man, a day of many years ago a policeman put on me two handcuffs and made me get on his car. In the same way I did everything to convince him that he had made a mistake, but it was totally superfluous. Just like his case, at the time of the trial many witnesses came out, perfectly sure of my guilt, beyond a reasonable doubt. With the same speed, the judge issued the worst sentence and I was transferred to a prison together with many real culprits and numerous innocent people like myself. As that wretch man, I had to manage the unspeakable anger that was burning my stomach for the unfairness, the infinite sorrow for my unjust fate, the unacceptable hatred for God or whom have allowed such violence. How

Stories and News No. 29: Berlusconi and Veronica: the Pope writes a letter to the Premier

The Story : Dear Silvio, I read the newspaper - yours, I always read yours, I am coherent... – about the tragic moment that you and your wife are living. “ This is a painful personal affair... ” you said. You’re wrong, my son. The family , Silvio, the family is never a personal affair to us and you should know this. We… ops, you have based the election campaign on the family when you came into politics world, God bless that day, at least until the last week. What are you doing to me? I told to you: if you want to have a party with eighteen girls , do it in your home! Don’t make me say bad words… Don’t exaggerate! I told you also this many times. Veronica is a good woman, but she’s not stupid. This I wrote on the Bruno Vespa ’s book that I gave you. What about you? You never listen to my advices. Yet, after I heard of the request of separation by your wife, I thought: it’s not over; I will intercede; I will take care of it. I was shortening my eyebrows before leaving to make footi