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A coma man talks: here is what he said

Stories and News No. 103

The Story:

A coma patient, since five years in vegetative state, was able to communicate through a special brain scanner that reads his minds.

Exclusively for the Blog here are the first answers he gave to the researchers:

Researcher: How are you?
Patient: What do you think?!
Researcher: Outstanding! He still possesses the gift of irony. That’s extraordinary. Write it, miss.
Assistant: Yes, sir.
Researcher: Dear, do you remember your name?
Patient: Dear, I'm in a vegetative state, not Alzheimer...
Researcher: Great, again irony! Write it, miss.
Assistant: Yes, sir.
Patient: ?
Researcher: Listen, do you realize you are now talking using the brain?
Patient: And do you realize that you’re totally speaking without it?!
Researcher: Spectacular, he still has a sense of humour! Write it, miss, please.
Assistant: Certainly, sir.
Patient: ?!
Researcher: Are you happy that all this time nobody has pulled the plug?
Patient: I don’t know, but now that I've met you I'm seriously considering this possibility...
Researcher: Mood swings, as I expected. Take note, miss.
Assistant: Sure, Doctor.
Patient: ??!
Researcher: Another curiosity: many people, getting out of a comatose state, revealed that they had particular experiences, such visions of strange entities or dead relatives. Have you ever had something like that?
Patient: Yeah! I saw my grandmother flying on a vacuum cleaner...
Researcher: Incredible! This time the Nobel is mine! Write it, miss, do not miss anything!
Assistant: ?
Researcher: Listen...
Patient: No! You listen. Stop with these stupid questions. You tell me: five years ago, when I went into a coma, in Italy Romano Prodi had just won the elections. Have the centre-left made the law on conflict of interest?
Researcher: No...
Patient: I knew it! I knew! But at least are they working on?
Researcher: No... the fact is that Prodi is no longer prime minister...
Patient: Who is? Massimo D'Alema again?!
Researcher: No...
Patient: Walter Veltroni?! He did not go to Africa?
Researcher: No...
Patient: Excuse me, but who is now Italy prime minister?
Researcher: Silvio Berlusconi.
Patient: What? Is it a joke?
Researcher: No, not a joke. What’s your problem, man? We love Silvio!
The researcher goes out indignantly.
Patient: What does that mean? Where am I? At Arcore*?!
Assistant: Calm down, the doctor came out...
Patient: Who are you? The lady who was taking notes?
Assistant: Yes…
Patient: Well, please, type this: do not waste your time trying to wake me up.
Assistant: Why?
Patient: Because if in Italy there is still Berlusconi government it means that there are millions of people there to wake up before me...

*Town of Berlusconi's residence

Stories and news: “invented” Stories, fruit of my imagination, inspired by “true” media News.

Stories and News, the Storytelling show: February 12 2010, Rome.

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