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Populist leader

Populist leader

Alessandro Ghebreigziabiher

Somewhere, long ago, even yesterday, as in this precise moment...

"Good morning, sit down, please."
"Good morning, thank you."
"Should I shut the door?"
"No, leave it, at least some air will come in."
"Well, you’re here for the populist leader’s call, do you confirm?"
"Yes, sure."
"It’s so hot... don’t you think?"
"Summer has begun."
"Yup… before we start, do you want something to drink?"
"Very kind, but no, thank you."
"Don’t you feel thirsty? I am dying…"
"No, I'm fine, thanks again."
"I see… so, I was saying, you would like to become a populist leader, right?"
"What's the matter?"
"What the matter? Damn mosquitoes... this year they haven’t yet done the disinfestation. Obviously we cannot keep the windows closed, in such a heat."
"I understand."
"What about the air conditioner?"
"What about what?"
"You just said: what about the air conditioner?"
"The air conditioner is broken, damn it, that's what I meant."
"I'm sorry."
"You’re sorry... all right. Again, you’re here for the role of populist leader, is that so?"
"Yes, sir."
"What would be your credentials about it? Tell me."
"The best, I assure you. I’m all in one piece, a man of character, with a strong personality and a ringing and authoritative voice. I don’t get easy sentimentality and I'm completely immune to the rhetorical gooders. I only care about the interests of my fellow citizens and I’m ready to stand up like an unshakable bulwark before the foreign hordes looming on our shores and our borders. I’m for the natural family and I will oppose until death against the gender’s relativists and the moral polluters that undermine our nation’s survival."
"That’s all?"
"Yes, sir."
"Go away."
"Get out immediately, you didn’t understand a damn about what really this job requires."
The guy goes away afflicted, even rather confused.
A second later, the next candidate enters the office, after listened to the entire interview sitting in the corridor.
He has a dazzling smile and looks very confident.
"Good morning, have a seat."
"Thank you."
"Are you here to become a populist leader?"
"Yes right."
"So, tell me about the..."
"Look, let's do it short: this heat is lousy, working under these conditions is intolerable and unacceptable, the sun is an overrated star, as well as the summer, it should be abolished, I suggest we delete it, that's what the people want, except holidays, we leave them. In the meantime, I suggest we equip cities with free air conditioning everywhere, of course, our local production, not that poor Chinese stuff, the funding is here, I swear, we just cover the cost saving on sunscreen, because we canceled the hot season."
"And then?" Asks the entranced interviewer.
"Then we’ll work on a total extermination of mosquitoes throughout our national territory, not before we locked them up and tortured those damn insects in special detention centers, as a warning to all those who dare think to arrive here and live at the expense of our blood."
"And then?" The other asks with a faint voice.
"Then, don’t you think I forgot your thirst, sir. It's not fair that those people wallow in the water at our expense and the good citizens suffer the heat."
"Who are you talking about?"
"Migrants, that’s obvious. As soon as I’ve got the task I’ll work on a fundamental project, that is to drain the part of the Mediterranean that divides us from Africa, then we’ll desalinate, sterilize and make its water potable, to finally quench the thirst of good people like you. I want to see, then, how they will be able to start those damn ships full of stealers and abusers when they will only find miles of desert in front of them."
"Man, you’re a genius..."
"No, I'm just the best populist leader you're looking for."